• Q: Where do you go to buy zombies?

    A: The monSTORE!

  • Q: What did the man say to his forgetful zombie wife?

    A: You forgot your HEAD because it wasn't attached!

  • Q: Who did the zombie take out for dinner?

    A: His GHOULfriend!

  • Q: Why did the zombie ignore all his new Facebook friends?

    A: He was still DIGESTING all his old Facebook friends!

  • Q: What is a zombie's favorite toy?

    A: A DEADY bear!

  • Q: What did everyone say about the big zombie party?

    A: It was DEAD & full of STIFFS!

  • Q: What did the zombie say to his date?

    A: I just love a woman with BRAAAINS!

  • Q: What was the zombie's greatest invention?

    A: Canned BRAAAINS!

  • Q: What is the difference between zombies & patched jeans?

    A: Zombies are DEAD men, jeans are menDEAD!

  • Q: What do all the Apple zombies keep telling Steve Jobs?

    A: We're DYING to have YOU for dinner!

  • Q: How did the zombie's "Grease" audition go?

    A: Bad, they couldn't envision Danny as GREEN, ROTTING & GRUESOME!

  • Q: What did the zombie hope for before his blind date?

    A: Someone with a PULSE & plenty of BRAAAINS!

  • Q: What did the zombie call his new dating handbook?

    A: "DYING To Meet You!"

  • Q: Why didn't the zombie get the job?

    A: They wanted someone with more energy & less ROTTING flesh!

  • Q: How did the zombie treat every day of death?

    A: Like he was LIVING!

  • Q: Why did the zombie buy a Jet Ski?

    A: He wanted to ENJOY the apocalypse!

  • Q: What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?

    A: A MOMster!

  • Q: What kind of candy do zombies refuse to eat?

    A: LIFE Savers!

  • Q: What did the zombie's friend say after she joined Greenpeace?

    A: Uggghhh, you're one of those annoying GREEN zombies!

  • Q: What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?

    A: A DEAD ringer!

  • Q: Where do zombies go swimming?

    A: The DEAD Sea!

  • Q: Where do most zombies live?

    A: On DEAD end streets!

  • Q: Where is the safest place in your home from a zombie?

    A: The LIVING room!

  • Q: Who won the zombie war?

    A: Nobody, it was a DEAD tie!

  • Q: What did the zombie's ex say when she wouldn't stop calling?

    A: You're DEAD to me!

  • Q: What do you call a dead bee?

    A: A zomBEE!

  • Q: Do zombies eat dinner with their family?

    A: No, their family IS the dinner!

  • Q: What did the zombie say before his fight?

    A: Do you want a PIECE of me?

  • Q: Do dark circles around the zombie's eyes make him look dead?

    A: No, but being DEAD does!

  • Q: Why did the zombie go crazy?

    A: He had LOST his mind!

  • Q: What is a zombie's favorite meal?

    A: A MANwich!

  • Q: What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor's new car?

    A: I'm GREEN with envy!

  • Q: What did the zombie say to his wife Barbara?

    A: I'm coming to get you, BARBARA!

  • Q: How are zombies like computers?

    A: They use megaBITES!

  • Q: How do you know a zombie is tired?

    A: He's DEAD on his feet!

  • Q: What did the zombie do after he dumped his girlfriend?

    A: He wiped his BUTT!

  • Q: What is a zombie's favorite shampoo?

    A: Head & Shoulders!

  • Q: What kind of streets do zombies like best?

    A: DEAD end!

  • Q: What does a zombie get when he comes home late for dinner?

    A: The cold SHOULDER!

  • Q: What did the zombie eat after his teeth were pulled?

    A: The DENTIST!

  • Q: Where do zombies go on cruises?

    A: The DEADiterranean Sea!

  • Q: What do zombies wear when it's raining?

    A: BRAAAINcoats!

  • Q: Do zombies eat candy with their fingers?

    A: No, they EAT the FINGERS separately!

  • Q: Why did the zombie cross the road?

    A: To get to the BRAAAINS!

  • Q: Knock...knock! Who's there? Zombie! Zombie who?

    A: BRAAAINS!

  • Q: How do they smooth the ice on a zombie hockey rink?

    A: With a ZomBONI!

  • Q: What does it take to become a zombie?

    A: DEADication!

  • Q: What do zombies order at bars?

    A: A shot of To-KILL-Ya!

  • Q: Did you hear about the zombie who tortured his victims with music?

    A: His BACH was worse than his bite!

  • Q: What time do zombies wake up?

    A: At ATE o'clock!

  • Q: What is a zombie's favorite TV show?

    A: "CHOMPING On The Stars!"

  • Q: How do zombies serve their country?

    A: In the Marine CORPSE!

  • Q: What cereal does a zombie eat for breakfast?

    A: Raisin BRAAAINS!

  • Q: Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?

    A: No, they EAT the FINGERS separately!

  • Q: Why do zombies make good DJs?

    A: They produce lots of sound BITES!

  • Q: Why did the zombie go to the hospital?

    A: He wanted to learn some SICK jokes!

  • Q: Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?

    A: He had NO LEG to STAND ON!

  • Q: What do you do if you see a zombie?

    A: Hope it's HALLOWEEN!

  • Q: What did one zombie say to the other zombie while eating a comedian?

    A: This tastes FUNNY!

  • Q: What do vegetarian zombies crave?

    A: GRAAAINS...more GRAAAAAAINS!

  • Q: What do little zombies play?

    A: CORPSES & Robbers!

  • Q: What did the zombie's friend say when introduced to his new girlfriend?

    A: Where the heck did you DIG her UP from?

  • Q: Who do cowboy zombies fight?

    A: DEADskins!

  • Q: What has a dog's head, a cat's tail & brains all over its face?

    A: A zombie LEAVING the PET STORE!

  • Q: What is black, white & dead all over?

    A: A zombie in a TUXEDO!

  • Q: Why did the zombie cross the road?

    A: He wanted to EAT the chicken!

  • Q: Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?

    A: He kept BUTTERING up his teacher!

  • Q: Why did the zombie stop teaching?

    A: He only had one PUPIL!

  • Q: How do zombies tell their future?

    A: With their HORRORscope!

  • Q: What do zombies like to eat at cookouts?

    A: Beanie HALLOWEENies!

  • Q: Why did the zombie go to the orthodontist?

    A: To improve his BITE!

  • Q: How many zombies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

    A: None, zombies CAN'T FIT in a light bulb & they DON'T screw!

  • Q: Why did the zombie put poison in people's corn flakes?

    A: He was a CEREAL killer!

  • Q: What do you get when you cross a zombie with a snowman?

    A: FrostBITE!

  • Q: What is a zombie's favorite mode of transportation?

    A: SCAREplanes!

  • Q: What type of dogs do zombies like best?

    A: BLOODhound!

  • Q: Why did the dyslexic zombie starve to death?

    A: He couldn't find any SNIAAARB!

  • Q: Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?

    A: He had LOST his GUTS!

  • Q: What is a zombie's favorite football team?

    A: The Washington DEADskins!

  • Q: How do zombies keep their hair in place?

    A: With SCARE spray!

  • Q: What is black, white & red all over?

    A: A nun being EATEN by zombies!