Q: Where do you go to buy zombies?
A: The monSTORE!
Q: What did the man say to his forgetful zombie wife?
A: You forgot your HEAD because it wasn't attached!
Q: Who did the zombie take out for dinner?
A: His GHOULfriend!
Q: Why did the zombie ignore all his new Facebook friends?
A: He was still DIGESTING all his old Facebook friends!
Q: What is a zombie's favorite toy?
A: A DEADY bear!
Q: What did everyone say about the big zombie party?
A: It was DEAD & full of STIFFS!
Q: What did the zombie say to his date?
A: I just love a woman with BRAAAINS!
Q: What was the zombie's greatest invention?
A: Canned BRAAAINS!
Q: What is the difference between zombies & patched jeans?
A: Zombies are DEAD men, jeans are menDEAD!
Q: What do all the Apple zombies keep telling Steve Jobs?
A: We're DYING to have YOU for dinner!
Q: How did the zombie's "Grease" audition go?
A: Bad, they couldn't envision Danny as GREEN, ROTTING & GRUESOME!
Q: What did the zombie hope for before his blind date?
A: Someone with a PULSE & plenty of BRAAAINS!
Q: What did the zombie call his new dating handbook?
A: "DYING To Meet You!"
Q: Why didn't the zombie get the job?
A: They wanted someone with more energy & less ROTTING flesh!
Q: How did the zombie treat every day of death?
A: Like he was LIVING!
Q: Why did the zombie buy a Jet Ski?
A: He wanted to ENJOY the apocalypse!
Q: What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A: A MOMster!
Q: What kind of candy do zombies refuse to eat?
A: LIFE Savers!
Q: What did the zombie's friend say after she joined Greenpeace?
A: Uggghhh, you're one of those annoying GREEN zombies!
Q: What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A: A DEAD ringer!
Q: Where do zombies go swimming?
A: The DEAD Sea!
Q: Where do most zombies live?
A: On DEAD end streets!
Q: Where is the safest place in your home from a zombie?
A: The LIVING room!
Q: Who won the zombie war?
A: Nobody, it was a DEAD tie!
Q: What did the zombie's ex say when she wouldn't stop calling?
A: You're DEAD to me!
Q: What do you call a dead bee?
A: A zomBEE!
Q: Do zombies eat dinner with their family?
A: No, their family IS the dinner!
Q: What did the zombie say before his fight?
A: Do you want a PIECE of me?
Q: Do dark circles around the zombie's eyes make him look dead?
A: No, but being DEAD does!
Q: Why did the zombie go crazy?
A: He had LOST his mind!
Q: What is a zombie's favorite meal?
A: A MANwich!
Q: What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor's new car?
A: I'm GREEN with envy!
Q: What did the zombie say to his wife Barbara?
A: I'm coming to get you, BARBARA!
Q: How are zombies like computers?
A: They use megaBITES!
Q: How do you know a zombie is tired?
A: He's DEAD on his feet!
Q: What did the zombie do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: He wiped his BUTT!
Q: What is a zombie's favorite shampoo?
A: Head & Shoulders!
Q: What kind of streets do zombies like best?
A: DEAD end!
Q: What does a zombie get when he comes home late for dinner?
A: The cold SHOULDER!
Q: What did the zombie eat after his teeth were pulled?
A: The DENTIST!
Q: Where do zombies go on cruises?
A: The DEADiterranean Sea!
Q: What do zombies wear when it's raining?
A: BRAAAINcoats!
Q: Do zombies eat candy with their fingers?
A: No, they EAT the FINGERS separately!
Q: Why did the zombie cross the road?
A: To get to the BRAAAINS!
Q: Knock...knock! Who's there? Zombie! Zombie who?
A: BRAAAINS!
Q: How do they smooth the ice on a zombie hockey rink?
A: With a ZomBONI!
Q: What does it take to become a zombie?
A: DEADication!
Q: What do zombies order at bars?
A: A shot of To-KILL-Ya!
Q: Did you hear about the zombie who tortured his victims with music?
A: His BACH was worse than his bite!
Q: What time do zombies wake up?
A: At ATE o'clock!
Q: What is a zombie's favorite TV show?
A: "CHOMPING On The Stars!"
Q: How do zombies serve their country?
A: In the Marine CORPSE!
Q: What cereal does a zombie eat for breakfast?
A: Raisin BRAAAINS!
Q: Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
A: No, they EAT the FINGERS separately!
Q: Why do zombies make good DJs?
A: They produce lots of sound BITES!
Q: Why did the zombie go to the hospital?
A: He wanted to learn some SICK jokes!
Q: Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
A: He had NO LEG to STAND ON!
Q: What do you do if you see a zombie?
A: Hope it's HALLOWEEN!
Q: What did one zombie say to the other zombie while eating a comedian?
A: This tastes FUNNY!
Q: What do vegetarian zombies crave?
A: GRAAAINS...more GRAAAAAAINS!
Q: What do little zombies play?
A: CORPSES & Robbers!
Q: What did the zombie's friend say when introduced to his new girlfriend?
A: Where the heck did you DIG her UP from?
Q: Who do cowboy zombies fight?
A: DEADskins!
Q: What has a dog's head, a cat's tail & brains all over its face?
A: A zombie LEAVING the PET STORE!
Q: What is black, white & dead all over?
A: A zombie in a TUXEDO!
Q: Why did the zombie cross the road?
A: He wanted to EAT the chicken!
Q: Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
A: He kept BUTTERING up his teacher!
Q: Why did the zombie stop teaching?
A: He only had one PUPIL!
Q: How do zombies tell their future?
A: With their HORRORscope!
Q: What do zombies like to eat at cookouts?
A: Beanie HALLOWEENies!
Q: Why did the zombie go to the orthodontist?
A: To improve his BITE!
Q: How many zombies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, zombies CAN'T FIT in a light bulb & they DON'T screw!
Q: Why did the zombie put poison in people's corn flakes?
A: He was a CEREAL killer!
Q: What do you get when you cross a zombie with a snowman?
A: FrostBITE!
Q: What is a zombie's favorite mode of transportation?
A: SCAREplanes!
Q: What type of dogs do zombies like best?
A: BLOODhound!
Q: Why did the dyslexic zombie starve to death?
A: He couldn't find any SNIAAARB!
Q: Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
A: He had LOST his GUTS!
Q: What is a zombie's favorite football team?
A: The Washington DEADskins!
Q: How do zombies keep their hair in place?
A: With SCARE spray!
Q: What is black, white & red all over?
A: A nun being EATEN by zombies!